Letting go - the ruminations of an off duty principal

So I walked into school the other day and someone else (other than me) was sitting at my window desk, her IT devices scattered haphazardly over it. I had chosen that desk in our shared office for three - the Principals’ Office – (and yes, the possessive apostrophe is in the right place; we are a team) with my back to the door, just over eight years ago, so that I could look out and make eye contact with students as they came and went. Some students have made it part of their daily routine to stand outside my window, demand my attention, and wave hello or goodbye. Sometimes I would look up from my computer screen just in time to see the student give up and look away, missing that moment of connection, and I would lean over so that I could see out of another window and wave. I certainly never wanted any student to leave feeling ignored.

I noticed that my large computer screen had been requisitioned and now took pride of place on another’s desk. With just a little bit of satisfaction (immature, I know!), I thought of the desk drawers that are still stuffed full of my stationery and bits and pieces and the credenza that contains artifacts of our history together. Just a little reminder for now that I was once there. I will clean them out later so that they can be used by others. However, what was even more disconcerting was to walk into the space that I had influenced the design of, into a conversation that I was no longer part of even though I was intimately familiar with the subject under discussion.

Leaving, even if only for a year’s refreshment, is a little bit strange; I am excited about the future (however that might unfold – my plans are not yet totally clear) and I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity I have (thanks to my husband who has supported me taking leave without pay for a whole year and a Board of Trustees that understands the importance of letting people go to explore their unique contributions to the world), but in spite of my best self, I can’t help wondering how much of me will be left in that place when I come back. Letting go isn’t that hard for me, but it isn’t a walk in the park either. I do need to focus on ensuring I do it well.

As I reflect on 19 years of principalship, I realise that I still love that connection with kids. Teaching, when I occasionally have to do it, is still a great joy. However, as an experienced principal, I now know that the growth and development of the adults in the school is where I can make my greatest impact. For many years as a non-teaching principal, I was always drawn back into the classroom, jumping at the chance to be there, maybe even making excuses to be there, because it was there, I knew with absolute certainty, that I could make a difference and would experience fulfilment and joy. I found no such guarantee in early principalship. Now I am incredibly grateful that, though I still love teaching, seeing growth and development in the staff around me is one of my greatest joys and such a privileged place to inhabit. I love my role of coaching leadership in those around me. Every teacher as a leader. Every leader as an effective leader, who grows and develops others to better meet the needs of students and impact the world around them.

That’s one of the reasons why I have to take leave this year. There are amazing, wonderful, equipped leaders at Amesbury School who are more than ready to “act up” in my stead, who will take hold of this opportunity to continue to grow and develop as leaders. We opened Amesbury School eight years ago at the beginning of 2012, I think it is time for a little more of them and a little less of me.

And for me? This is also an opportunity for my ongoing growth and development as I step aside to reflect on my experiences as a school leader – digging and delving to make greater sense of them and what this might mean for me, for Amesbury School and for the wider education community.  I plan to write a book over the year, but I will also share my journey and my learnings on a regular basis in a variety of ways, and this blog is one of them.

If you think there might be value for you in “listening to” my ruminations – please follow this blog; and I will do my best to share insights that might also help you in your journey of growth and development - a journey that I call leadership.

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