Loneliness of leadership (Part 4): Networking, putting the urgent on hold and returning to moral purpose

4.30 minute read

This is the fourth post in a series addressing the Loneliness of Leadership. Follow these links to read the previous posts (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) which explore why leadership can be lonely and what might assist.

In the Loneliness of Leadership (Part 3), I explained the need for, and value of, confidantes, coaches and mentors to help overcome the sense of isolation that comes from not being able to disclose your full self to others.

Networking and support systems

Networking is, of course, another essential strategy. A paid coach and mentor cannot always be available as needs arise, so to develop relationships with other school leaders who have an understanding of the complexities of the role, who can provide support and advice as needed, and who can generally be at the end of the phone or on the other side of a café table, preferably with a couple of steaming hot cups of coffee in between, is very important and necessary. However, networking and developing these relationships is not always easy, and harder for some than others – highly introverted people, for example. It takes time to work out who is trustworthy and who would suit you and often you are still working this out early in your leadership when your needs are likely to be the most intense and urgent. But also, your needs change, so who you connect with needs to change and broaden over time.

There are other potential difficulties and barriers and these can include the personalities and politics of a professional network and certainly will include the difficulty of finding the additional time it takes to network – especially for new leaders who will be inundated with unfamiliar work and pressures. It always seems as though there are more pressing things to get done and I know how difficult it is just to walk out of the school door to get to meetings such as these. People grab you to ask that urgent question, or a student acts out, just when you need to leave. You have to be strong in the knowledge that the school will survive without you, that the sky will not fall down if that urgent question is not answered immediately and that your needs and your longevity in the profession count. This of course is difficult for new leaders who are very keen to be as accommodating as possible, and then there is that guilt….

Putting the urgent on hold

I have found the following quote very useful to help me reorder my priorities. It is worth learning it off by heart and reciting it from time-to-time:

So the urgent drives out the important; and the future goes largely unexplored; and the capacity to act, rather than the capacity to think and imagine becomes the sole measure of leadership (Hamel and Prahalad, 1994, p. 4 – 5).

The urgent is a demanding taskmaster and hard to argue with in terms of the here and now. This quote reminds me to think bigger picture and longer term, and to remember why I do what I do, rather than just being reactive - which provides a nice segue into the next strategy.

Returning to moral purpose – the importance of “why”

The “bits and bobs” of running a school (or any business for that matter) will consume us if we let it. We have to be strong-willed and self-disciplined about regularly returning to our “why” – why we do what we do. As Simon Sinek said, we should start with why, but we must also regularly return to our why, because looking once again at the big picture will help reshape our behavior and will put us back on the pathway to becoming the leader that we always hoped to be. Not only will this keep us on track to achieve our leadership goals and vision for teaching and learning, but it will help to address the loneliness of leadership. Feeling out of control, or of being controlled by circumstances and the dictates of the urgent and meaningless, and of not being able to be the leader we want to be, contribute to the loneliness of leadership. I have found that taking time to focus on my moral purpose and to take actions to enlarge it, is incredibly productive and uplifting. It provides a reset. What assists this? Reading a book that gets me thinking deeply and in new ways; attending a conference; being asked big, enduring questions by a coach or asking these questions of myself; journaling; writing. What will assist is different for everyone and different at different times.

Keeping our shape as leaders

Leadership is a continual process of keeping or regaining our “shape” as leaders. We mustn’t feel guilty or ashamed because we lost it. There are strong forces at work! But, being a leader, we do have a responsibility to keep checking our shape and doing that reset. We need to be humble and acknowledge that each of us can only go so long without a leadership health check.  Recognizing when it is time to return to moral purpose, having the strength of will to get off the treadmill, and finding the way that will help right now becomes the hall mark of a growing and developing leader.

New leaders may not always be able to recognize when it is becoming urgent to take a step back and remind themselves why they are doing what they are doing. This is where a good coach, mentor or colleague is important - to ask the questions that slow the world down, quieten the cacophony of sound and illuminate the pathway back to moral purpose.

Letting the world speak to me

When I know I need a leadership reset, I often begin reading. It generally doesn’t matter what I read – an education book, a leadership book, a novel, or even watching a film. I have discovered that because my heart and soul are seeking what they need, wisdom can be found everywhere. I trust that the world will speak to me and I have never been disappointed, though I have had to wait patiently, at times. Read this amazing article by Urs Cunningham, written as associate principal of Amesbury School: Leaving space for the world to teach us.

This time of Covid 19 lockdown provides a great opportunity for us to do a leadership reset. Speak to your coach and mentor or just start reading and see what is revealed to you. Journal and write… whatever…but still your heart and take time to check your shape as a leader, reorder your priorities and this will help with the loneliness of leadership.

More strategies in Part 5.

References

Hamel, C., & Prahalad, C.K. (1994). Competing for the future. Boston Mass: Harvard University Press