Loneliness of leadership (Part 2): Busyness, guilt and feelings of powerlessness

4.30 minute read

It has been obvious that my Blog Post, Loneliness of Leadership Part 1, has resonated with some readers. Thanks so much for the comments – they have helped me to think further about the issue of loneliness in leadership. Here is part 2.

As a school leader, you have entered the invisible world of ultimate responsibility, self-doubt has become your constant companion and the people you previously had congenial relationships with, now treat you slightly differently – or so it feels. Hand in hand with self-doubt are two further constant companions – busyness and guilt – which contribute to feelings of loneliness.

Extraordinary busyness

You find yourself extraordinarily busy, working all the hours under the sun, but constantly wondering if you are doing anything that usefully contributes to the thing you are most passionate about – improving outcomes for students. Your role has shifted. It has become more closely aligned with that of the administration team - a service role in which you create the conditions that enable teachers and senior and middle leaders to be most effective in their roles. You are no longer a front line worker, but seem to spend much of your time stamping out fires to allow others to do the real work of schooling. Placating anxious parents, worrying about weary teachers, keeping the Board of Trustees happy, and the powers that be at bay, becomes your daily fare. The sheepdog metaphor from part 1 comes to mind.

Overwhelming guilt

This all contributes to overwhelming feelings of guilt because in spite of all your efforts, teachers are still weary and overworked, parents are still anxious and worried about their children and your work is never done. Add to this the impact this busyness has on your most significant relationships – your partner, your children, your whānau, your friends. And then there are your neglected hobbies and passions. You seem destined to fail at everything, because you cannot, in spite of your best efforts, keep all those balls in the air at the same time. Many lie on the ground scattered around you, along with your hopes and dreams of truly making a difference.

Feelings of powerlessness

Finally, all of this contributes to feelings of powerlessness. As a teacher, middle leader and even as a deputy principal, you felt productive and purposeful and that you had the power to make a difference. Now, you are not sure that anything you do really matters; and, at times, you feel that others – your high performing middle and senior leaders – stand between you and the front line, and you are consigned to invisibility behind them, trying to peak out over their tall heads to see what is happening and to find what you can contribute that is useful. You are aware that most people in your organization have no idea what you now do. You worry that they don’t think you are doing anything useful, and so you feel compelled to work even harder to try to justify your position which only adds to all the above.

While you understand the need to give praise to your staff, people rarely give you praise or tell you that you are doing a good job. While this may not particularly worry you, the lack of feedback or acknowledgement does leave you working in a vacuum wondering…always wondering and worrying… about the value you bring.

It may feel that the paragraphs above are a little over-dramatic or even a little indulgent. Leaders don’t normally dwell on these things. These thoughts are more likely to be part of an internal dialogue, or it may not even be as clear as that. It may be a whole jumble of feelings that the leader cannot tease out and identify but knows are there. And anyway, as action-takers, we would prefer not to dwell here, but would rather jump to solutions. Part of my goal in writing this Blog (A BLOG about leadership, learning, growth and other things) is to bring to the surface what sits beneath and often remains unspoken and unaddressed, because when it is not addressed, it can lead to untenable stress and burnout.

Good news and bad news

There is good news and bad news. Firstly, the bad news, the condition of loneliness is likely to be experienced throughout a leadership career. However, research shows that it is most intense in the early phases of first time principalship and during the transition phase into leadership of a new (as in unfamiliar) school. In response to Part 1, someone commented that the loneliness that results from changed relationships with colleagues will be enhanced when a deputy principal becomes the principal within the same school rather than of another school. In this situation, the changed relationship is highlighted and experienced as a considerable loss.

The good news is that though there is a sense in which a degree of isolation, loneliness and disconnectedness will always be the lot of school leaders; as leaders become more experienced, the feelings will become less intense and more periodic, rather than a constant companion. Further good news is that there are “professional efforts” – strategies that can be deliberately used by leaders to alleviate the loneliness. These include maintaining your contacts outside of school, networking, mentors and confidantes, growing and developing others (such as coaching others), ensuring distributed leadership, focusing on moral purpose, ensuring you do what you love and what brings you joy, and most important of all, paying attention to your own ongoing growth and development and being yourself.

Conclusion

I will explore these strategies in more depth in Loneliness of Leadership (Part 3) and further parts beyond that. My apologies if you read this post expecting to get to the “solutions” and feel disappointed that you are still left wanting and waiting. I was hoping to too. However, as I wrote, I felt it was important to linger in the space a little longer, acknowledging the reality of the loneliness of leadership. Moving on too quickly would risk adding to the very feelings of invisibility that can plague leaders and I wouldn’t want to do that.

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References:

Dor-Haim, P. & Oplatka, I. (2019). School principals’ perception of loneliness: a career stage perspective. Journal of Educational Administration and History, 10 November 2019.

Howard, M. & Mallory, B. (2008). Perceptions of isolation among high school principals. Journal of Women in Educational Leadership, 1-2008

Korumaz, M. (2016). Invisible barriers: the loneliness of school principals at Turkish elementary schools. South African Journal of Education, vol. 36, number 4.

Spillane JP & Lee LC. (2013). Novice school principals’ sense of ultimate responsibility: Problems of practice in transitioning to the principal’s office. Educational Administration Quarterly.

Tahir, L., Thakib, M., Hamzah, M. & Musah, M. (2015). Novice head teachers’ isolation and loneliness experiences: A mixed-methods study. @SAGE.