It was the day after our school opening. The business of visitors, media interviews, photos, special guests, shaking hands and smiling was over. The bell went. The school swallowed our students and teachers, and I was alone in the principals’ office – the one we, the senior leadership team, had insisted on designing as a collaborative office. It should have been a proud moment for me. After all I had worked incredibly hard for three terms getting the school ready for opening; making endless decisions about things I knew nothing about – how would I know what size the toilets needed to be for five year olds or what height the bathroom sinks should be? The best options for hand dryers? Colours? Carpets? Joinery? Fortunately, I knew something about curriculum and teaching and learning and maybe just a little about leadership.

There I was on this beautiful sunny, Wellington day, in my office. The parents had gone, we were settling to the business of school and it should have been one of the most satisfying moments of my life, and I felt…well…lonely… disconnected from the life of the school. The teachers and senior leaders were out there doing the stuff of schooling and I didn’t really feel a part of it.

I was reminded of the loneliness of leadership recently when I had a conversation with a new principal, who said she was surprised to discover that she was feeling lonely in a way she hadn’t felt as a deputy principal and certainly hadn’t expected. She has a wonderful, high functioning leadership team and they have all been together in the school for a long time, and yet the feelings of loneliness have persisted. This got me asking myself what it is about leadership that is lonely and disconnecting – even in highly collaborative environments. It is not as though this principal tucks herself away in an ivory tower – like I would be tempted to do. I have been privileged to see her interacting incredibly positively, humorously and naturally with staff on many occasions and I know what she contributes to the life of the school. So, while the feelings of disconnection are real, I know she actually isn’t disconnected from the life of the school – she is absolutely central to it.

Little research has been done on the loneliness of leaders, but what has been done suggests that a high percentage of leaders do experience loneliness and that leaders feel more lonely than employees. So what is it that contributes to the loneliness of leadership and feelings of disconnection? I am also reflecting on whether, for me, that feeling ever went away or whether I just got used to it. And finally I am wondering how leaders find joy in a job that essentially makes them feel disconnected from what engaged them in education in the first place? This might take several posts.

The invisible world of ultimate responsibility

This quote from Spillane and Lee (2013) gives an insight into one reason for the loneliness of leadership:

“School principals often struggle with feelings of professional isolation and loneliness as they transition into a role that carries ultimate responsibility and decision-making powers” (p.3).

When deputy principals or associate principals step up into principalship, which is language we often use in relation to this career move, they think it is only a step (albeit, a big step) up, but still a natural progression from where they have been. In fact, what actually happens, is that principals move into the completely new world of ultimate responsibility. It is an invisible world, because unless you are in it – actually carrying the weight of the burden - you cannot see it. It is a lonely world because no one else, no matter how close you are as colleagues, can see the extent of the load, let alone share it with you. Even if you do try to tell them about it, they cannot comprehend it, because they are not experiencing it. Those who have been there and done that – a coach or mentor, for example – can empathise with you and tell you they understand; but as much as they might want to, even they cannot share in the ultimate responsibility. It is yours to carry alone. You are in this world on your own.

The constant companion of self-doubt

Most sensible leaders would enter principalship with a good dosing of doubt about their ability to be effective in the new role. However, once you have entered the invisible world of ultimate responsibility, self-doubt becomes a constant companion. You wonder whether you are up to the task of managing and giving advocacy to all the competing and conflicting aspects of your role. You wonder whether you will ever be enough; and you worry that you will never be enough – that maybe it isn’t even possible. You worry about all the people around you and how you can possibly meet all their needs.

This too is a hidden world; those around, the ones you worry constantly about and who keep you awake at night, cannot see the self-doubt that sits on your back. You continue to act with the confidence and capability that got you the leadership position in the first place and your self-doubt is an invisible companion.

The dehumanizing effect of leadership

Finally, there can be a dehumanizing effect that comes into play with leadership. As leader, everyone expects you to meet their needs, but people may forget that you also have human needs. This quote from a Turkish principal captures this idea well:

“Everyone at the school I have contact with regards me as someone who will confirm or reject their plans or suggestions. I think [only] a few people value me because I am a human. I can define loneliness at the school as feeling like a sheep dog in a flock of sheep. I try to protect them every time or serve them, but they remain distant from me” (Korumaz, 2016, p.6).

There is a sense in which having become “leader”, you are treated as though you have moved to the other side, to have become “other”; and, as such, cannot be related to in the same way, on a human level. No-one intends to do this, but it does happen. On the surface things look relatively the same – interactions are still warm - but something is different. Although you cannot put your finger on just what has changed, as a leader you feel the loss keenly. You experience grief, and you feel as though you do your work in a bit of a vacuum.

Conclusion

It is important for new leaders to understand that this loneliness and disconnection is not a pathology – it is not a “neediness”. It is certainly not something that the school leader should be ashamed of or see as a weakness. It is a normal state of being, and, thinking about my own experiences in principalship, I think that school leaders can make “professional efforts” to overcome these invisible barriers and worlds and find joy in their leadership. More about this later….

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References

Korumaz, M. (2016). Invisible barriers: the loneliness of school principals at Turkish elementary schools. South African Journal of Education, vol. 36, number 4.

Spillane JP & Lee LC. (2013). Novice school principals’ sense of ultimate responsibility: Problems of practice in transitioning to the principal’s office. Educational Administration Quarterly.